Books ruined me for sex.

Books ruined me for sex. Books and movies. But especially books.

Jitterbug Perfume was one of the biggest culprits. If you know the book, then you know what I'm talking about. The couple discovers that the key to eternal life is frequent lovemaking. The only thing is, it's not just that it's frequent, it's GOOD. And they are in love. So just having sex all the time won't do it. It has to be mind-blowing orgasmic sex with your true love. EVERY TIME.

I'd like to know how much luck the author is having with that.

The first book that unfortunately I can't forget, and that gave me false expectations for sex forever, was Lady Chatterley's Lover. It was famously scandalous in it's time and to some people, perhaps it still is. The wanton woman having sex with the woodsman in the woods. Whatever. What stood out to me was SIMULTANEOUS ORGASM. What a crock. And that is the gift that keeps on giving. Every movie, every book, every porn - you name it - simultaneous orgasm. Cuz that happens all the time.

Not.

Don't even get me started on how "easy" FICTION make it seem like it is for people to even HAVE an orgasm - or all the LIES real people tell about how easy it is for them. But I guess there are also plenty of movies and books about women faking it - so maybe it evens out. Maybe.

But the pressure, right? That's where that comes in.

I fell in for awhile with the polyamorous crowd. Gimme a break. All that is is another - rather wily and successful - framework for men to have their cake and eat it, too. I don't know what the statistics are, but I'd be willing to bet that the number of men who consider themselves to be SUCCESSFULLY polyamorous is wildly larger than the number of women who say the same. It's just another harem. This is absolutely what I witnessed in person. I thought maybe if I could be more "free" then I would learn to "express" my sexuality and thereby gain more pleasure from sex. It might have gone that way, I suppose, if the current concept of polyamory weren't such a farce. If they didn't still have so many RULES. If everyone didn't fall into disappointingly TRADITIONAL roles. Women still fighting over men. Wringing their hands, pulling their hair, and crying over men. Women having HUGE difficulty getting more than one partner and on the contrary, settling on and doting on that one - devastated if he left - while men filled up their calendars with who gets Mondays....who gets Tuesdays...who gets Thursdays...AND NO DEVIATING!

The FOUNDER of the polyamorous movement of which I was a part is a woman with ONE PARTNER for something like FIFTEEN YEARS. But her partner has multiple women. The founder! Her man is not polyamorous, folks. He is a cad and a cheat and no matter what she says, I would be willing to bet that she is NOT okay with it. Just look at her eyes.

The more things change the more things stay the same.

But anyway, you would think "free love" might have worked. Didn't. Could've. Didn't. As, sadly, humans are not really capable of coming up with a truly new and creative system that is equal.

I'm back on my own trying to figure out how to cultivate happiness in sex and love and partnership. Not trusting any book or movie or "guru" about it. Following my own way. It's hard, right? The flush of new love wears off and where are you? Maybe you can't afford to get your nails done so your guy is less turned on than before because you are not as visually exciting. But WTF? It's not just him. I start to dial down too. Probably, deep inside, it's those old traitorous expectations kicking in, and wondering:

Why Isn't It Like That?