Kon Marie This!

One of the biggest pieces of advice we seem to get from the world is to "let it go."

At the same time, we are urged to "make connections" and "stay connected."

The internet and cell phones make this ridiculously easy, forcing daily dilemmas upon us as to whom we actually want to stay connected with, and if it's a good idea. Didn't I stop talking to that person, or her to me, for a reason? Thanks to the internet we are constantly challenging our own decisions. But it's so easy to say "Hi!" Or to ask an old flame, "How you doing?" Should I allow this total stranger on LinkedIn to connect to my profile? Maybe one day he will offer me a job! (Hahaha!)

And so on.

The latest craze is to "Kon Marie" things, based on the bestselling tips by well-meaning neat freak Marie Kondo. One of her primary tenets is to remove everything from our lives that doesn't "spark happiness."

Nice one, Marie. But let me ask you. What do you do when the world doesn't let you remove those things from your life?

Start off with the fact that if you aim to be a conscientious tax payer there is a requisite number of years you are required to keep all of your records, and when you think about the bills you get every single month for say, five years, this is a damn lot of burdensome and burdening paperwork.

Then maybe one day you get a job that requires you to pencil in all of your addresses and jobs from the past ten years, and all of the related contact info. How do you do that if you haven't kept every scrap of paper from the past ten years? Okay, alternately, you could take the time to keep some kind of list of just such items. Marie would probably approve of that. Ok, you win that one, Marie.

Now let's say you worked for the government for about two seconds, and you want to get your retirement money back. (This is a true story). You are required, if you ever want to see your money, to contact every spouse you ever had for more than nine months, no matter when it was. Yep, that's right. So the person I divorced over ten years ago, and to whom I have not spoken since that date? I am required by the government to send that person a notification that I want my retirement money - in case he wants to dispute it! Now, I get it. I am the last one to deny someone what is rightfully his and if it's a chunk of my retirement money, so be it. But holy crap. I was not married nor divorced during my time in this government job - and anyone I was previously married or divorced to has a right to my money? Not to mention having to unbury the past??? I don't know where this person is. I Kon Marie'd that guy! WTF? What if my ex-spouse was a murderer? What if he hated me? What if I didn't want him to know my new address, my new name, not to mention my social (there is a blank on the form where I have to put my social - which he would see!). How is that ok?

(There are ways to do this without compromising my safety and security, but it doesn't seem the government gives a shit about that. Why can't I just show them my divorce decree? -- which, Marie, I still have, even though it doesn't spark happiness, and THANK GOD I do cuz I had to check if I owe this guy money after 10 years! Why can't the government send him some type of notification that does not include my social security number, and in fact doesn't mention any of my current information. "Your former spouse, name of X, wishes to receive her retirement money. Yay or Nay?")

You see, I try to Kon Marie people and things, but I'm not allowed. I try to keep only things that spark happiness, then something like this happens and I get to relive the past thanks to what you call bureaucracy. Marie and bureaucracy probably are not friends. Don't get me wrong, I very much appreciate and endorse Marie's idea. Spark Happiness. Throw shit away. Do not re-contact that ex friend or lover. They are ex for a reason. As much as the world allows you, Kon Marie that shit.