Things you don't know until you know

It has come to my attention over the past year or so that one of the irksome things about being a human being and the challenge of the hundreds of decisions we make on a daily basis - is that oftentimes we don't know if we've made the right decision until AFTER we've made it.

Do you know what I mean?

Let's start with how do we make decisions in the first place? Some are obvious, obviously. We rely upon past experience, what has worked and what hasn't worked, what we like and don't like, what we need and don't need. But there are a lot of gray areas. And how do we have integrity within those to both ourselves and to the people with whom we may or may not have obligations?

For a certain period I studied martial arts and one of the main tenets we were taught in my dojo was to follow through. What I took this to mean was that if I agreed to do something, I should do it. Period. Regardless if I change my mind later or "don't feel like it."

Yeah. Well.

This doesn't always work. Perhaps I participate in a committee for a few sessions and then I determine that we do not really have shared goals. Or that, no matter what my input is, the head of the committee is determined to push the project in a certain direction - in other words, my input is practically meaningless. At that point, I am just a name on a program - if that. Do I keep attending? I sort of kind of have a "gut feeling" that I don't want to. I hem and haw wondering if this commitment of mine will payoff "one day," what impact it will have on public relations related to my work, and various other way too heavy thoughts. But the kicker is that until I actually say "I am not attending the meeting today" and hit "send" on that email - I have no idea if I made the correct decision.

Afterwards, I feel good or bad, depending. Usually good. Thankfully. I do trust my instincts.

Sometime after that stint in martial arts I started a different practice which was this: if I am more than 50% in doubt, I don't do it. This seems selfish at times. You just don't do the things you don't "feel like" doing? Actually yes. I'm a damn grownup! Surely there has to be some benefit to that sometime! And guess what it is? You can say no! You can change your mind! There are so many unwanted things that as adults we already "have" to do over the course of our days. Why do more?

But again, until we actually take the plunge and make the decision - and share it with someone else - we don't know if it was the "right" decision or not. It's like when you decide to give something away to the thrift store. You think you maybe want to get rid of it. You know you haven't worn that shirt in years or that you never will. You know that it was given to you by someone with whom you are now estranged and that just looking at it, never mind wearing it, makes you unhappy. But until you actually hand the item off to the guy at the back door of the thrift store and step on the gas, you have no idea if it was what you needed to do.

Weird, isn't it?